Carolyn J. Rose
A recently opened cat cafe found feline lovers pressing
their noses against the
windows and opening their wallets to secure seats inside.
There, amid
twitching tails and tinkling bells on collars, patrons
enjoyed coffee,
conversation, and the chance to be snubbed by a kitty.
The attraction to interaction with an animal—without 24/7
obligation—got
the capitalistic corner of my mind churning. I concluded
there was money to
be made from close-up encounters with critters normally not
considered pets.
Here are a few of my ideas.
Snooze with a Sloth. If you find yourself stressed out and physically exhausted,
rent a hammock in an indoor jungle setting. Focus on the creature
draped from a limb above you. Strive to achieve stillness.
Painting with Pachyderms. Elephants enjoy creating works of art. For a fee,
and the thrill of clamping a yard of garden hose to your
head, you can join
them. We guarantee you'll emerge with a one-of-a-kind
original painting.
Baboon Buffet. If overeating is a problem, a visit to a
baboon buffet could be
the cure. As you begin to load your tray, management will
let loose a troop of
baboons. The resulting competition for chow will insure that
either you get
nothing or what you're able to scavenge has been trampled,
thrown, or
previously chewed. If you don't lose a finger, you'll
certainly lose your
appetite.
make it through the herd of bison milling in the bank
lobby.
Jog with a Jaguar. Want to increase your speed but lack motivation? Lace up
your running shoes, strap a raw steak to your butt, and head
for the Big Cat
Track. A sliding-scale fee determines the length of your
head start.
Shark Swim School. If lifeguards leap to your rescue because you appear to
be drowning, it's time to stop flailing and improve your
technique. Swimming
with sharks can help you develop a smooth stroke and cut
through the water
faster.
Mambo with a Mamba. Having trouble with your footwork? A
lesson at this
dance studio will keep you on your toes and keep those toes
in seriously fast
motion. As there are no refunds, knee-high boots are
recommended.
Anaconda Auto Sales. Naturally you want a great deal. But
can you squeeze
one out before the snake squeezes you to the point where
you're willing to
pay for undercoating and an extended warranty?
Obviously, given the number of species on earth and human
inventiveness,
the sky is the limit. Also obviously, pursuing any of these
ideas could result
in injury or worse. So bear that in mind and don't blame me
if your car gets
damaged at the Gorilla Gas Station or if your Playdate with
a Platypus ends
with a visit to urgent care.
