Carolyn
J. Rose
Forget trading cards touted by a former president. Forget game cards and those featuring baseball heroes. Forget cards promoting movies and T.V. shows.
Here are a few I’d pay or trade for.
Phone numbers to bypass automated systems. If you’ve ever wasted hours trying to break out of an endless loop, been shuttled to the wrong department, cut off while explaining your problem, or transferred so fast you get whiplash, these are a must. Bypass numbers allow access to actual humans with listening skills, no mandated scripts, and expertise to resolve your issue.
Plumbers,
electricians, HVAC repair personnel, and others willing to work evenings and
holidays. Even if you never find yourself in desperate need of someone to fix a
leak or get your furnace running again, a friend or relative will. The trading
value of these cards never diminishes and spikes in cold and hot weather.
Used car
lots where you’ll actually get a fair deal. In addition to photos and
directions, these cards include translations of used-car-speak terms such as
“low mileage” and “pre-loved.” Cards also advise what not to say when shopping.
A subset includes photos of salespeople who don’t withhold added charges until your
pen touches the contract signature line.
Stylists
who should never cut your hair. If you’ve ever paid way too much for a haircut
that made you look like a pair of eagles decided your head was prime
nest-building territory, you’ll want these cards.
Door-to-door
scam artists. You know the ones, the guys who claim they’re with a crew working
nearby and have tools and extra time to give you a great deal. Cards also
include teams selling magazines you’ve never heard of, folks who claim they
install solar panels overnight, and those collecting for refugees in a country
that isn’t on any map.
Teen
body language. A face-to-face conversation with a teenager may involve more
physical expressions than verbal. These cards, with full-color photographs,
interpret twitches, eye rolls, shrugs, and more. They also offer translations
of some of the latest teen-speak words and phrases.
Bad
bosses. Cards would depict the nitpicker, the clock watcher, the insecure and
paranoid, the endless-meeting manager, the guy who disappears in a crisis, and the
supervisor who expects you to sacrifice weekends and cancel vacations. Cards
would also offer tips on how to spot bad bosses during the interview process.
Clothing
outlets with true sizes and realistic fashions. These outlets cater to those
who aren’t actors or models. Their sizes actually conform to your measurements instead
of being too large or too small, and their styles are for those who want jeans
with more fabric than holes.
I don’t
get it cards. If you’ve ever puzzled over a cartoon, or wondered about a
reference on a TV show that set off the laugh track, these cards are for you.
Not only would they explain a drawing or an actor’s comment, they would also
explain why you might find it amusing or relevant.
As a
bonus, cards would be laminated. This would extend their life and allow them to
be used for household projects such as leveling tables or loiding locked doors.
