Eating Under the Influence

Carolyn J. Rose

 

When the bathroom scale flashed a number I’d love to see for the stock I bought last year, I stepped off and tried again. (Right, you never did that.) When the same number flashed again, I slunk away, admitting my crime—eating under the influence. EUI.

 

I don’t mean the influence of drugs or alcohol.

 Sure, those substances can stimulate appetite while suppressing good sense, but plenty of other things can trigger an episode of EUI. Little mundane things. Broken shoelace. Stuck zipper. Bad horoscope. And then there are the huge and scary things. Like . . . well, I’ll leave those to your imagination. Whatever causes stress, it’s a major contributor to EUI.

 Stress can manifest suddenly, perhaps due to an accident, a relationship break up, a letter from the IRS, or the outcome of an election. It can develop slowly due to grinding educational and career pressures, the whiplashing demands of a boss from hell, or the strain of sustaining a marriage made in the same place.

 But there are other factors contributing to EUI. And studies conducted right here in my home office have revealed benefits to snacking. For example, aches and pains may subside after ingesting a few chunks of chocolate. Self-doubt frequently fades with each bite of quality mac and cheese. And munching popcorn brings clarity to sorting the pros and cons of everything from picking a paint color to donating a kidney.

 Finally, without doing a lick of scientific research, I’ll hazard a guess that there are genetic and environmental components contributing to EUI. If your parents had the tendency toward EUI and were frequently engaged in EUI during your formative years, it could seem normal.

 Of course, there are those for whom stress doesn’t lead to EUI. I’ve known people who lost their appetites when stressed. Those people couldn’t understand how a gob of peanut butter soothed my clenching gut. (Simple: it gives the gut something to clench around. And since it’s sticky going down, it’s more likely to stay there.)

 Unlike driving under the influence of controlled substances, there are no legal penalties for stuffing your face while impaired. So if you’re using a soup ladle to gorge on ice cream from the carton, don’t look over your shoulder for flashing lights. Don’t listen for the throb of a siren or a gruff voice ordering you to step away from the freezer.

 What you might hear is your conscience suggesting you try exercise instead. But if you’re like me, you’re a pro at ignoring that pesky little voice in your head.